swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
