do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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