I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
