6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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