the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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