I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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