I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
