how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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