and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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