ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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