none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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