I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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