I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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