OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
