if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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