just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Life is so much better after having sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We left the knife in your bed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
