I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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