Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize