The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
