I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
