Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
