My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize