I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
