His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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