just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
