woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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