Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize