You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
