first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
