I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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