They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
