Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
