I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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