the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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