$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
