Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fuck appropriateness.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
