In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
