Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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