all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
