how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
