For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
