Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
