I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
