somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
