help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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