I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
