something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
