I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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