A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize