my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize