Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
