Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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