I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
