I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
