It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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