She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
