I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
