we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
