So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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