Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
