I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
