Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
