so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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