Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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