I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
