just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
