Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I DEMAND FORESKIN
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
